A Teenager in the House

Well, for all of you who wondered why I started a separate blog regarding Teresa's time with us, I wanted to clarify the matter.  I was contemplating it myself, but I think I've got it. 

This blog will remain a space where I write whatever I want about my thoughts and our family.  As I have said before, it is fun, therapeutic and hopefully a way to keep in touch with faraway family and friends.  The other blog will be more writing and photos about Teresa and the foreign exchange program and process.  There may be some overlap, but hopefully the differences will become even more clear with time. 

I think the process of living in another country, or hosting a foreign person, provides unique opportunities for understanding.  Understanding not only another culture and another person's lifestyle, but understanding one's self and life from another's eyes, and understanding one's own response to what is foreign.  These are the kinds of things I plan to write about here in addition to some of the things we are doing as a family.

So.  We now have a teenager in the house.  Overnight I've realized how long ago I was one myself.  It is doubtful that I ever was very cool, but it is certain that I now am not.  Additionally, I am realizing that even the sweetest and mildest-mannered teenager is developmentally guaranteed to feel certain that they are right a disproportionate percentage of the time.  This means that their caregivers are situationally guaranteed to be faced with the task of balancing respect for their autonomy and encouragement of their developing identity and opinions with watching out for their safety and well-being which at times requires disagreement and providing limits.  To be a host parent means standing in for another parent, a stranger, with a quasi-grown-up almost-stranger, the student.  It is a blind effort across a blend of family norms and cultural differences that involves riding the line of being involved but not being intrusive, being interested but not being nosy, being concerned but not being over-reactive, providing guidance without being bossy...  In this case, there is no common definition for any of these things.  We are feeling our way along, and so far, enjoying it very much, if not worrying a bit as we go!  Like this:  is she bored? is she overwhelmed? are we talking too much? are we talking too little?  should we help with more things?  is she homesick?  does she feel left out?  will she tell us when she needs space?  ETC.

I am completely blown away by the way Aden and Teresa have taken to one another.  Aden talks to her as constantly as he talks to us, and is clearly at ease with her presence in our family.  They are content to do things together - kayaking, playing computer games, climbing trees, enjoying funny things.  Last night after midnight I headed to bed and encouraged them to do the same.  They turned to me in unison as Aden retorted, "WE are not tired!"  I believe they played Sims on the computer until 1:30 a.m.  Today they will be swimming together at the water park in Bloomington.

As I said before, having a foreign person around means seeing the world through different eyes.  Yesterday we went shopping.  We stopped at several downtown shops as well as Target.  Teresa was clearly not at ease with people's small talk at the check-out, and she confessed in the car that in Austria people do not talk to each other in this way nor ask one another how they are doing.  "They don't really care," she said.  She asked what she should do when people ask how she is doing - she said she wanted to just say hello.  I encouraged her to say that she was well, or maybe even share a little something general about herself because some people genuinely wanted to visit.  At the very next store, an elderly clerk asked us how we were doing and I explained that we were well and were doing some shopping since Teresa had just arrived from Austria.  The woman was so excited to ask Teresa questions and speak about her own trip to Europe.  We talked with her for a while, and the lovely visit concluded with a warm welcome to Teresa and compliments about her English.  It was such a delightful exchange, and one I hope Teresa enjoyed and will repeat. 

Teresa received a number of cards and gifts from family and friends of ours.  She was very taken aback by these kindnesses, and commented, "This would not happen in Austria."  She is grateful for the many gestures of welcome she receives, though she is not quite sure what to do with them.

Yesterday Teresa was very quiet.  Again at the school open house she commented that the teachers she met talk way more than teachers in Austria.  I explained that they are trying to be friendly and welcome her and help her feel more prepared for school.  We had a very interesting conversation about the expression of friendliness in general, which left me fascinated but wanting more information:
Teresa:  "Teachers and other people in Austria do not talk very much.  But still they are friendly."
Me:  "How do you know if someone is being friendly if they are not talking?"
Teresa:  "There are other ways of being friendly."
Me: "How so?"
Teresa:  "I do not know.  I cannot describe it." 

Having Teresa in the house means re-discovering some things, too.  Yesterday at Target she said she had seen "spray cheese" in American movies and wondered if we could get some.  She had never tasted it before.  Once home, Teresa, Aden and I enjoyed some spray cheese and crackers.  I am certain I haven't had it in twenty years, and Aden had never tasted it himself.

One of the things I was/am most nervous about in hosting an exchange student was/is FOOD.  We all know I'm not home-maker of the year, and this includes cooking.  I detest it.  I also read in Teresa's profile and spoke with her about the fact that her mother has even more strict ideas about nutrition than I do.  She buys all their food from local, organic vendors, and this includes very little meat.  Since their climate is a little less harsh than Minnesota's, this is much more feasible, and obviously much more of a concern to her mother.  That said, Teresa seems to be doing fine adjusting to our diet.  We have had lasagna, hot dish, sandwiches and a number of fresh fruits and vegetables.  She also enjoyed Dave's birthday cake very much, and this just tickled him!

This weekend we will be getting Aden's chicken - the coop and outside enclosure are almost finished.  I sucked it up and we have constructed it ourselves, though purchasing kennel panels was much better than trying to build something totally from scratch.  Aden is thrilled.

Dave received a call last week from a machining shop where he had applied last May.  It is a company that offers more opportunities for advancement, challenge, pay and a better environment with a short commute similar to what he has now.  While he hadn't anticipated making a change so soon, they offered him a position doing projects he is very excited about.  He starts on the 14th, and it is fun to hear him talk about how much he is looking forward to it.  The field he has chosen certainly offers a number of opportunities for switching positions and trying different things, and he clearly appreciates that.

Well, once again, I have written this entry in the middle of the night and now the sun is up.  I must rest a bit more before I get up for the day to take the kids to the city.  Happy Thursday!