It is 2:06 AM. I was awakened by Aden's cat, Quade. Quade loves intense affection between 2 and 4 AM. Unfortunately Aden's door has to be kept shut for this reason. I become target # 2. Luckily I find Quade charming, even at 2 AM.
So now I'm wide awake.
The truth of our lives is that things are kind of complicated right now. I've been too distracted to post. Some days I feel too distracted to parent or do anything else, either.
More than usual, lately, I find Aden's need for attention and interaction surpassing my ability to give it. This, perhaps, is a normal challenge for parents of small children periodically (not that he is so small anymore...), especially during times of stress. But, I'm acutely aware of it, and acutely attuned to the guilt it provokes. The DUH statement of the year is this: Guilt is the constant companion of mothers. Maybe of fathers, too. But I'm not a father, obviously, so I won't speak to that.
So I mentioned Aden's interactions... Of late, they are constant. That is, he talks incessantly. He narrates. He questions. He reminisces. He hypothesizes. He deducts. He summarizes. He plans. He exclaims. He jokes. He emotes. He speculates. He reenacts. He has always done all of these things, but this exponential explosion of frequency and intensity is recent. He. Notices. Everything. And. Then. Talks. About. Everything.
I'm not complaining. Just reporting the facts.
I am celebrating the communicative, interactive child I always wanted. I am also grasping for the energy, communication skills, focus and attention span to make our interactions enriching and be the attentive and supportive mother I desperately want to embody every moment. Some days are entirely victorious. Some days are filled with abysmal failure after more abysmal failure.
That brings me to another topic for reflection: The forgiving nature of children. How easily they accept apologies. How quickly they move on, or so it seems (and hopefully is reality). Our home rings with "I'm sorry- I wasn't paying attention. What did you say?" or "I'm sorry I got mad about that thing that was no big deal..." or "I'm sorry that I'm crabby... It isn't your fault..." And BOOM. It seems to be over for him.
Now it is 3 AM. Even the cats have gone back to bed. I must too, mid-way through this post. That's just the state of things.
Good night, dear friends.
2 comments:
Sending tons of positive energy to MN! I recall the over emoting and neediness of sons while traversing transitions in our lives.
I sometimes wished I could shield them from those emotional upheavals, but again (as w/ A) they easily forgave. And, today I'm certain they are stronger and more sensitive men because they survived mentally sound despite the adversity.
Love you all.......
I can relate to this SO well. You have articulated so many of my own thoughts that I can't even add anything to what you've said. Very profound. Thank you for sharing.
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