More Rambling

Here's the deal. We've been home 48 hours. Aden is well. We are not.

Perhaps the innate social worker in me will always find this kind of thing fascinating. Perhaps, readers, you do not, and therefore should skip this post. That's ok. Don't feel bad about doing it. This isn't the fun-family-type of post the blog was created to showcase, but I'm going to post it anyway. It is about real life, after all.

We had a follow up visit with our pediatrician today. He's a gem. He doesn't beat around the bush. He confirmed that Aden was the sickest child our hospital had seen in a few years. Funny how hearing that at this point can feel so... well... traumatic.

This all feels kind of traumatic. But the next moment it feels surreal, and the next moment after that it seems like a blip in our family history that is long over. I can go from exhausted emotional confusion to energetic clear focus and back again in about two seconds.

We kept Aden home from school today and start him back at half days tomorrow. One second I worry that we're over-reacting and being too conservative, the next I can't see how he is ready to go back even at half days. One second I am completely numb and then next I'm emotional about everything and feel overwhelmed by something that is really nothing. My cup is empty and I have nothing to give. I hate that I want to retreat somewhere and do nothing for a very long time.

And, Dave. Well, I'm pretty self-absorbed to be able to accurately speak on his behalf at the moment. But, he seems exhausted and unsettled. He is going to work tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that is the last place he wants to be given all of this. There seems to be an overall weirdness for both of us right now, centered around the questions, "Where SHOULD I be, and what SHOULD I be doing right now...?"

So. The phenomenon I'm contemplating - when the going gets rough, parents keep going. But, when everything clearly will be ok, maybe then the delayed fall-apart response kicks in. Things seem quite a ways away from ok still. But they are ok. It's weird. And annoying.

Anyway, tomorrow I will go back to work for part of the day while Aden is at school for a few hours. He is going to bring some mementos from the hospital, including some of his pictures, to share how brave he has been. We picked up cupcakes so his class can help him celebrate his return to school. Hopefully all of this will feel good and fun for him. He deserves it more than anyone I know.