Life with a 7-year old boy

When I picked Aden up from school today, I noticed that he has holes in his right shirt sleeve... Again. This is about the sixth shirt that has come home with a tattered arm. Each conversation goes something like this:
ME: Aden, why is there a hole in your sleeve again?
ADEN: I don't know.
ME: I want you to stop chewing your shirts. It looks like it has been chewed, and I've seen you do that before....
ADEN: I didn't chew it.
ME: Well how did you get that hole?
ADEN: Joe must have poked a hole there.
ME: Did you see him poke the hole there?
ADEN: No. The hole was there when I put this shirt on.
ME: Aden, I don't want you chewing on your shirts anymore. Your clothes are ruined when they have holes in them. That hole was not there this morning. Why do you do that?
ADEN: Mom, I haven't done that since I was six. You said I did it today and I didn't.
ME: Sigh.

Then tonight after Aden's hair dried after his bath, I noticed it was crusty and hard on one side.
ME: Why is your hair crusty on one side?
ADEN: Silence.
ME: Did you wash your hair?
ADEN: YeeeeAAAAssssss. Silence. Staring at me.
ME: (smell the hair) Aden, did you wash your hair with bar soap?
ADEN: Collapse into giggles...
DAVE: Every boy is known to do that from time to time. Couldn't you find the shampoo buddy?

As I'm putting Aden to bed, I reach for lotion to put on his chapped chin... and SURPRISE the lotion is missing.
ME: Do you know where your lotion went?
ADEN: No.
ME: Did you take it somewhere?
ADEN: No. I haven't seen it. Maybe it is upstairs?
ME: Did you take it up there?
ADEN: No.
ME: Did you take it anywhere else?
Aden: No. I haven't seen it.

The lotion is gone without a trace, along with several pairs of gloves, not two but THREE pair of snow pants and the Green Goblin's left leg, which, of course, is the most PRESSING lost item...